Tax Survivor Gifts

T-shirt slogan: 'I survived the audit.'

'You want some protection money? Oh, thank God. For a moment there I thought you were from the Inland Revenue.'

'Termites devour my house, the kids devour the hair off my head and taxes devour all my profits... I'm at the bottom of the food chain'!

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

"Thar someone from the IRS blows!"

'I just got audited by the I.R.S...was it legal for them to shake me upside down by my ankles?'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"It's no use, Super Rich! Your labyrinthine, yet entirely legal tax structures are too powerful for me!"

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'Aluminum siding will be used to cut costs in restoration at the U.S. Capitol.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

New Improved I.R.S.

Osborne's Tax Cuts

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

"I realize how helpless and needy they are, but I'm afraid you still can't claim a human as a dependent."

After thirty years of hard work, Tom was beginning to get a little upset with the ball and chain forced upon him.

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'