Tavern Regulars Gifts

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

Man at bar: 'Drinking to forget?' Other man: 'Don't remind me!'

Eating the Cocktail Olive

'It's tough having a casual political discussion these days.'

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

Shanahan's

'My job is safe. This guy is a regular and he drinks to forget.'

Two men attempt to use the same snooker cue.

'One door closed, another opened, and I fell right out the window.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

Hugh - From Barnaby Rudge

"A bloody Mary, Chuck-weapons grade."

Child In A Bar.

'Hey you two! Take that outside.'

"As long as you're over 18, and I'll accept dog years."

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

Men in bar lament olympic beach volleyball ending 'I miss beach volleyball too.'

Because it contains thousands of individual characters, burping the alphabet in Japan is truly a glorious achievement.