Taming T-Shirts

'I need a new challenge...'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Secretive Weigh In.

Litter Tray Training

To do before Saturday...

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

Parenting Business Deals

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Beware of the Undergrowth.

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Education Guidance

Getting Rid of the Cure

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'Is that you, dear?'

Circus Act

"And for your entree, sir?"

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"