Talks Prints

The speech was almost interesting. People began to sit up and fake interest.

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Men gossiping

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"How about a hand."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Life on Earth - The original chat room.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Woman on the phone.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Actually, my mom was the first to notice he'd lost that new boyfriend smell!'

You can't get what up

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."