Talk Show Producer Pillows

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

TV jester.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Applause

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Canadian film production

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."