Talent Show Sceptic T-Shirts

'There's a refreshing honesty about this programme, dear.'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

The Drummer

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Trump commissions song

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

The Ox Factor

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Banana striptease...

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'You call that carol singing?'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

'Each one of you will to sing your job creation and tax plans. . . the 'American Idle' will vote for 'the American President'.'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."