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"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

'I just hope I don't get voted off first.'

Hollywood Talent: 'Sorry, kid, but there's a dog in China who will bark 'Jingle bells' for a third what we pay you!'

Simon Cowell

Must I also sing and dance?

'NEXT!'

Child Prodigy, "We're afraid he's a child prodigy"

Amish Idol.

Talon show.

X Factor + Y = Zzzzzzz.

"I'm worried about your father. He's staring into the abyss."

"We've invested heavily - If not always wisely - In talent."

A worm at a dance contest.

The Judging Panel Judge

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

"Pop stardom might not be the most realistic of ambitions, Billy. I should know- I was the winner of last year's X Factor."

"Give it up for Stevie and his musical underarms! Next up, in the house...Crazy Katrina and her jump rope of death! It's something you'll see only on...the Security Camera Network!"

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"Too late! George has spotted that the new series of X-factor has started!"

The 'Vatican Idol' auditions begin.

'Your huffing and puffing completely blew us away.'

Britain's Got Knives: 'Thank you...Next!'

Michael Ignatieff on CBC

"I'm into humiliation - can you direct me to the X Factor auditions?"

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

Bob always voted for his favorite performance. It was his way of giving something back.

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

"O.K., laugh, but this is going to be my ticket out of here."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

The ocean is no place for a star.

Eh... thank you Mister eh... Genghis. Quite a novel approach to plate spinning

Singer.