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'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

Goose escapes the tv.

The Ox Factor

'Bad news. Your arm is too injured to hold up those sneakers you endorse on TV.'

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

"The DNA does not lie Mrs Miggins...or should I call you Don Escobar Bolivian drugs czar?"

'No. 5, please step forward, open your coat, and say, 'ho, ho, ho.''

Late one night at the SETI project. 'Don't make us come over there!'

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

"Find something dumb. Really dumb. I'm in the mood."