Talent Magnet Gifts

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

'It saves me the trouble of constantly asking myself 'What's my motivation?''

No Talent Agency

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'Admittedly, I'm into greed but it's honest greed.'

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'I had a terrible day. . . but the money was good.'