Talent Developers Gifts

'...Because of his size, we want to give him time to develop.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

Henry the amazing talking dog.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Sid Sinatra.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

'We haven't the foggiest what it does,but it plugs into a computer and retails for three fifity.'

Charlotte Rampling

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"How about this? We carpet the road and use the resultant static electricity to power our electric cars."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

The Department of Emerging Technologies.

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"How learning curves feel... Before: Holy hell During: I'm not gonna make it! After: That wasn't so bad! The next time: Again?!!"

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"Pardon the intrusion, we just wanted to run one last test before we brought it to market."

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

No Talent Agency

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."