Tale Seeker Gifts

'Could we read something a little more EDGY tonight, Dad?'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

'Cannonball!'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

M.T. accidentally triggers the predator pursuit response.

"It's such a lovely day!"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Press Freedom

Things you don't want to see...(mountain goat falls past climbers).

Chiller Theatre

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Famous Last Words: "Whew! Well, at least the worst is behind us."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"Marco ..."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

The real murderer of Boris Nemtsov?