Tailoring Fans Pillows

"You've got to stop wearing top hat and tails in the office! Everyone thinks you've got a huge payrise!"

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

Hammer Thrower - "Let go of it!"

Centaur Sprinter

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

Before the accident? John was a truck driver.

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Closet.

Dead animal toupee.

'They're halfway through the six-meter dash. At this pace, the winner should break the world record by at least 24 hours!'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'

Man planning on standing on a turntable to aid hammer throw.

Now! That's very good sweety!

The Horse Rider.

Young ladies playing 'Hare and hounds'.

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'

Prisoner does Shot Put with an Ankle Ball and Chain

It was the Tube logo what gave me the idea

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

"Maybe next time we can go mine our own salt."

"Now, don't move, I'm going to practice my high jump and need a good landing mattress..."

'How'd you wind up with two batons?'

'Just keep running straight until you reach the end. Can't miss it.'

Triple Jumper.

Big car with machine gun poking through window, bumper sticker reads: Yardie on board.

"Why is the back of that car higher up than the front?"

A long jumper reaching 18.

'Nice try, Matteson.'