Tailoring Fans Pillows

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"You've got to stop wearing top hat and tails in the office! Everyone thinks you've got a huge payrise!"

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"Mine's camper."

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

Hammer Thrower - "Let go of it!"

Centaur Sprinter

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

An old mod has customised his mobility scooter.

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Before the accident? John was a truck driver.

Dead animal toupee.

Closet.

"We've townsized."

'They're halfway through the six-meter dash. At this pace, the winner should break the world record by at least 24 hours!'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'

Man planning on standing on a turntable to aid hammer throw.

Now! That's very good sweety!

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'

The Horse Rider.

Young ladies playing 'Hare and hounds'.

"Now, don't move, I'm going to practice my high jump and need a good landing mattress..."

Prisoner does Shot Put with an Ankle Ball and Chain

"Maybe next time we can go mine our own salt."

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

It was the Tube logo what gave me the idea

'How'd you wind up with two batons?'

'Just keep running straight until you reach the end. Can't miss it.'

Triple Jumper.

He's the greatest pole vaulter of all time! That's an over-the-top statement.

Big car with machine gun poking through window, bumper sticker reads: Yardie on board.

'Nice try, Matteson.'

A long jumper reaching 18.

Pole Vault