Tactile Therapy Lover Gifts

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I hate Mondays.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.