Tactical Tool Collector Pillows

The Less Successful Swiss Army Gun.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Fishermen dread the spot where the lures hang heavy from the trees like Spanish moss.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"He loves his leaf blower."

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

The Hammer

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'And here's the toolkit.'

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Something tells me this isn't the 'Good Cop'."

"You've not used a chainsaw before have you?"

Handy-lion