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Get to movies & battlefields early

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'It was great. I hated it.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

Cinemuck

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"The cape comes off too."

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

The Directors Gut.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Amanda Seyfried

Barry Norman

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by a string of great hollywood blockbusters."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Miggs's short-lived joy

Gaah! You sank my longship!

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'I tell you I smell Limburger.'

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

Cinema. Save me a seat, dear, behind you.

Planes, Trains, Automobiles, Zeppelins.