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Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'It was great. I hated it.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Cinemuck

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

The Directors Gut.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

Miggs's short-lived joy

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Gaah! You sank my longship!

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by a string of great hollywood blockbusters."

'I tell you I smell Limburger.'

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

BLEAK PROSPECTS: DOWNSIZING FOR THE NINETIES

Planes, Trains, Automobiles, Zeppelins.

'Mr. Kong?'