Tabletop Football Fanatic Pillows

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"The knights of the round accent table"

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Bears

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Wanna toss the ol' virtual pigskin?"

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Beer Order

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'