Table Tally Expert T-Shirts

They waited as Allen tabulated how much the meal had cost per bite.

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

'I'm a difference maker... not that it makes any difference...'

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

U.S. demographic affecting senate representation.

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

'You should take one -- you could only improve your hand.'

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

The giraffe-tamer.

If you think you have caught a record fish...make sure you have a witness...

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

Tall tales, short stories

Father imagining son with fish

"You consistently lied about the size of the fish you caught. Well....we've all done that."

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'So there I was with the world at my feet - it was then I got frostbite.'

'He was six foot nine when he started!'

'You're making my job much harder.'

"You should've seen the one that got away."

Giraffes.

'A compilation of fish stories? You'll find that in the fiction section.'

'If your mother asks, it's water buffalo.'

'OK, one quick picture... but then I should probably get him to a hospital.'

'You should have seen the one that got away, it must have been a size thirteen at least!'