Systems Programmer Pillows

Lots of 'systems chappies'.

Till malfunction

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

The Computer Bore

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Evolution.

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"He loves his computer but it's a love that's not returned."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."