Symphony Dodger T-Shirts

Man in restaurant puts in earplugs.

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Fear of news.

Nun Binning the Devil

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

The Demon's Disguise

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Motivation

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

Catching the Sun

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Sneaks into house late at night' Venn Diagram

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."