Sword Swallower T-Shirts

'It's short cut pastry - I'm allergic to cold steel.'

'Occupation?'

Lady of the bath...

Epic Battles

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

How Swordfish Are Born

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"But I use all of them!"

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Corporate pirate.

King Richard I

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

The strong corna war

A Knight slides down the stair rail.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"...But guess what Kevin's mother is doing for a living?"

"Did you enter the correct password?"

Zorro as a kid.

'As a typically observant medical provider, the extremely high levels of iron in your system have me quite puzzled.'