Swimming Pillows

Lawyer, lawyer! Get out of the water!

"I lost ten pounds in 2 weeks, mostly by swimming."

'Now remember, you have enough water for half an hour, then you'll have to come down.'

The dream works when the team works!

'Before we bought this house and remodeled, this pool was septic tank.'

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

Christies

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

So, I'm the only one who sees a conflict of interest here?

"If I could do only one thing before I died, it would be to swim with a middle-aged couple from Connecticut."

"Listen, pal, they're all emergencies."

'Is it labor day already?'

With summer vacation over, Mrs. Locke was having a tough time transitioning back into teaching.

'When I said shock the pool, I meant with chlorine!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Dog swim teams: 'Give me 10 more laps!'

Scuba diver using beer rather than air.

"Shark salting a man before it eats him."

'Is the water cold?'

That's a material breach if I've ever seen one.

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

'Are you sure this guy from Alaska is in a speed suit'

Summertime.

'Just here to chat' lane in a swimming pool.

One bucket in, one bucket out.

"God, I love the smell of sunblock in the morning."

"What good is art if you can't have fun with it?"

Aquarobics.

Drowning man given book on how to swim.

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'

"Someone is always better."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'Don't worry...that's our mascot'