Swimming Pillows

"I lost ten pounds in 2 weeks, mostly by swimming."

'Now remember, you have enough water for half an hour, then you'll have to come down.'

The dream works when the team works!

'Before we bought this house and remodeled, this pool was septic tank.'

Christies

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

So, I'm the only one who sees a conflict of interest here?

"If I could do only one thing before I died, it would be to swim with a middle-aged couple from Connecticut."

"Listen, pal, they're all emergencies."

'Is it labor day already?'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Scuba diver using beer rather than air.

"Shark salting a man before it eats him."

'Is the water cold?'

That's a material breach if I've ever seen one.

Summertime.

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

'Are you sure this guy from Alaska is in a speed suit'

"God, I love the smell of sunblock in the morning."

"What good is art if you can't have fun with it?"

Drowning man given book on how to swim.

One bucket in, one bucket out.

'Just here to chat' lane in a swimming pool.

Aquarobics.

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"Someone is always better."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'Don't worry...that's our mascot'

"Help! I haven't saved enough for retirement!"

'This pool's no fun - all they let you do is swim.'

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'The kidney shape was a cool idea. Reminds us what you sold to pay for it.'