Swedish Cuisine Gifts

"The Smorgasbord came to read your meter, but you were out."

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Existential Risk

"Is it fresh?"

Isaac Newton discovers gravlax

'Pigs feet, sir? 'ARE THEY PICKLED?'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

"This is Sweden, not Eden."

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

101 things to do with lutefisk.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

'My freezer's on the blink again.'

"It's steak and chips, it is what the ploughman had for lunch!"

'Thinner!'

"Actually, I recommend the lobster. . . because it's starting to spoil!"

Where 'Pulled Pork' comes from.

"When your Scottish smoked salmon comes batter dipped and deep fried, you know you're in the South."

"If you like anchovies you'll love it, but you have to like anchovies."

'Yechh, this tastes fishy.' 'It's fish.'

Policeman wishing for lighter food than meat in hot weather

"The way I heard it, after fifteen years of doing cricket teas, his wife finally snapped."

"Nurse, the allen key, please."

Cow with meat diagrams - tree with furniture diagrams.

"Today we will have the Swedish buffet!"

Closing Laugh D.I.Y.

"My parents are really upset. I'm dating a guy who's not microwave and dishwasher safe."

'Edna! Have you been feeding these fish raw meat again?'

Peanut Butter & Jelly Fish.

"I see a future that will involve a number of secret herbs and spices

"I wasn't Bjorn yesterday, you know."

God Jul

"I'm a vegan, and my ex is a carnivore. We were divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable dinners."

Erland Josephson

Sorry, sir, I can't recommend anything --- Liability issues.