Swear Jar Savers Pillows

"I cashed in my swear jar."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

Noise Pollution

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Shepherd

Motorist's Swear Box

'In our thirty years of marriage she's squirreled away loads of money, but she can't remember where.'

You're not selling those silly upside-down tomato contraptions? I confess. They're fun! Fun? They're an affront to mother nature and common sense. A $3 seed packet grows enough for five families. Why sell over-priced fads? Mother nature never offered to pay my rent.

Pathology.

Pig Bank Hammer

Garden store owner chasing away birds from his seed display.

'Okay if I keep the core? I want to plant the seeds.'

"I didn't hire a photographer. I thought we'd save a few bob by just taking, wedding selfies."

A Young Girl And Her Pet Cat.

'Another dead squirrel, Lieutenant! What kind of Madman are we dealing with?'

"Things have been tough. Carol is going through the change."

Gordon Ramsay's Own Brand

"I'm trying to watch my cursing."

Ruth the vet had become very attached to one of her patients!

'Would you like to add a dollar to your bill by donating to the food poisoning lawsuit fund?'

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

Botanical Research Institute "Will work for seed money"

How women see it, how men see it.

'Mam, we're from the Monsanto Corporation. Your tomato plant is in violation of a number of copyrights.'

'This one's for the cheap b*****d who just tipped me a quarter.'

'I save 50 cents a roll by getting paper towels with no design on them and then drawing on my own designs.'

'She discovered Gordon Ramsay.'

Free seeds from 'Gardener's World' being auctioned.

'At least consider it. I'll give you £1000 to elope!'

'12-step Meetings Alcoholics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous and Junk Food Anonymous.'

Count your blessings - There are worse things to be than a lost sock. Laundromat.

'And of course, it saves money on shoes.'