Swashbuckling Storyteller T-Shirts

'My advice to you, Mr Long John, is to forget this pirate nonsense - get yourself on a course'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Swan Fairy Tales

The Demise of Tinkerbell

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Kirsten Johnson

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

Pirate eye test

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Baby Bear.

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

Santa's Helpers

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

My Spam Sketchbook

Reading

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Gag - a graphic novel

'I can't remember the title, but it began, 'Once upon a time'...'

Mephistopheles

Young Stephen King

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."