Swap Stars Pillows

I'll trade you a gluten-Free Sandwich for lactose-free milk.

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

Gracie for Queen...of the universe.

The American Tearoom, Moscow

Christmas tree exchange

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"How?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

God creating the galaxy.

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Hey, dad! Look what I got in trade for your golf clubs!'

'I'll swap you my Wimbledon freebies for your Anodised pan set!'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'I'm coping.'

'If anybody else asks me if they can transfer to the England cricket team, they're fired!'

'We'll leave the corn alone if you never tell that dumb story about Dorothy and Toto again.'

MUM Look what I swapped your mobile for

Chi Kick

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

'Let's give him a couple more minutes, but it looks like we've got ourselves a bum who can't fight his way out of a paper bag.'

Person shovelling snow remembering the past

"This year I thought it would be appropriate to light a womenoran!"

"Scarlett Johansson"? Look, pal, I'm a wishing star, not a miracle-working star!

'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'

'So, Commander - what can you tell us about your secret mission to study Earth's shooting stars?' - 'No comet.'

"A shooting star! Make a wish, Billy, you ugly doofus."

The obesity epidemic is really spreading. Orion just added a notch to his belt.