Sustainable Chef Gifts

"I cook everything with an alternative energy source, so it may take a while."

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

I'm not cooking for us anymore. I'm worried about global warming.

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

The Velvet Mesquite

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

For every Covid-19 death there are 2.5 deaths resulting from dietary risks.

Olive Oil

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

"It's dangerous to eat pangolins, but..."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

All our servers are locally caught from a sustainable source — the actors' academy across the street.

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"The food is excellent. Unfortunately, the inaction of politicians forces my husband to civil disobedience."

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"I can't see them replacing fish and chips."

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

'Are you sure this salmon was farm-raised?'

World Meat Consumptiom

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense."

'Yes we are observing the swordfish boycott, but we brought in special herring with nose jobs.'