Surreal Situator T-Shirts

"Hey, bartender, spill another beer in front of me, will ya?"

"Look! No hands!"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

"You mind if I smoke?"

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

Knight in the Elevator

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card could you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me, or take out a sexual harassment suit."

Noah's Ark Being Towed.

'Mom!!'

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

Egg horror movies.

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'...But what do you REALLY want?...'

Upside Down Elevator

Man looking at a mausoleum in a cemetery that has been fitted with a satellite antenna

"Unaware that the earth had detached itself from his house, Sam steps off the porch

"Larry?!"

The world coming to an end

"Sharks! Hundreds of 'em! Flying sharks! Everyone out of the water! They're converging on the future!"

'Space available' sign in desert.

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'

Trapped in the worst blind date of his life, John Glynn tries to chew his arm off at the shoulder.

"That is both disgusting and ridiculous!!"

Bob's losing streak continued.

Albert strikes out again with the women, getting another drink thrown in his torso.