Surreal Satirist T-Shirts

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Sock Puppet in Literature

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The prying mantis,

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet