Surreal Satirist Pillows

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Gee, thanks pal."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"#notguilty."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'