Surreal Comedy T-Shirts

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Honey are you in the mood to fleece a cow tonight

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

"What a way to go."

"Tell me more about the voices in your neck."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

"So this is how it's going to be."

"I'm afraid we'll have no chance of curing your husband until we find out why he changed into a banana."

'Imagine the damage he could have done as a corporate accountant...'

"First, let me put your mind at ease about that being an hallucination…."

"It's good luck."

Balloon Boy

A postal worker opens a bag of air mail.

Alien watering hat stand

"All we seem to be catching is little ones. We must be too close to their spawning grounds."

'Yes?'

An artist waits to ambush an easel

"There you are!"

"You must be in seat 2D."

Man Exchanges Heads In Desk Trays

'Eleven foot poles - For things you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole...'

'Mr Jonah is no longer with us. Mr Jonah was swallowed by a whale.'

'Your attention everybody! -- There's a 'severe foot watch' in effect until four o'clock this afternoon.'

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

Doctor Magic

Shop Swap: When TV pilots go wrong: 'OK, Nigel in Chester has a florist's, wants a greengrocer's ...'