Supreme Court Gifts

Justice Scalia died! First thing we must do is show decorum and respect.

The Scalia Scourge

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

No Immediate Danger

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

Barristers

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

Yes, That Was The Exit

'It's almost as if they knew!'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Justice 4 Ron

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

End of Affirmative Action

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Too mean for hell?....Welcome to heaven, Mr. Butkus."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"Edgar isn't here. He's working out with the Dallas Cowboys."

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

Fan-Centric Stadium

'My dad is very nice unless you fumble a football.'

'I'm terribly sorry. I thought it said 'gods'.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."