Supreme Court Gifts

The Epic Battle Over Anthony Kennedy's Replacement Is the Charadiest of All Charades Ever

Justice Scalia died! First thing we must do is show decorum and respect.

The Scalia Scourge

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

Barristers

No Immediate Danger

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

Yes, That Was The Exit

'It's almost as if they knew!'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Justice 4 Ron

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Stadium. No fans allowed. In baseball, "shutout" now has two meanings.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

End of Affirmative Action

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

'I'm terribly sorry. I thought it said 'gods'.'

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

'My dad is very nice unless you fumble a football.'

"Edgar isn't here. He's working out with the Dallas Cowboys."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."