Support Line Survivor Pillows

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

'Time for your pills.'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Tax grab.

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

On hold, Rick listens to "As Time Goes By" over and over again.

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

Workaholics anonymous

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

White flag being waved through the door of the Internal Revenue Service.

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Yes I DO mind being put on hold! I only have a two week life span."

'Relax - this is only tax hell.'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"I think I see your problem."

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

"That which doesn't kill you might give you stomach trouble."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'Dr. Jekyll, how well do you know this Mr. Hyde who prepared your taxes?'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

'I can't find a darn thing wrong with your return -- could you come back tomorrow?'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."