Security Line Survivors Pillows

'I'll try to make this no more intrusive than an airport search.'

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

A guide to seasons in the North East

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Tax grab.

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

White flag being waved through the door of the Internal Revenue Service.

"What makes you think you have cabin fever?"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'Relax - this is only tax hell.'

I don't know what's worse-drowning over here or roasting over there!

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

Woman walking in the heat sees a snowman inside a house with an air conditioner on.

'I can't remember a day this hot, can you?'

"He gets like this every summer."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

Here's to all those poor souls in retail who have to work on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's so their employers can make a few crummy extra bucks..."

'Dr. Jekyll, how well do you know this Mr. Hyde who prepared your taxes?'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

'I can't find a darn thing wrong with your return -- could you come back tomorrow?'

'This could get tricky, sir — your luggage accidentally went to Ralph Nader!'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."