Superparent Pillows

'First thing in the morning I'm ringing the school about the amount of homework he's getting.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Bond James, Bond."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

The Zoo.

Children's Parties

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

Paul Klee

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.