Supermarket Trips Pillows

"Dear customers, we are pleased to announce that in five minutes, everything in store will be drastically reduced."

'Whatever's easier for you to carry.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Important Food Groups

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Unusual Offers

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Witches Checkout.

'Diet considerations.'

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Personal Assistants.