Superbug Strategist Pillows

'That which does not kill me, make me stronger.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Only One Item or Fewer.

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

Saving for Retirement.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"Take me to your thought leader."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

Artificial Isle

"I started as a mundane disease ... but now I'm a super bacteria!"

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

Scientists discover a new Superbug

What's your exit strategy?

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"I'm afraid there will be more cuts."

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

Ice cream makers.

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

'I couldn't keep squirrels away from my bird feeders, so I called a lawyer!'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'