Sunless Tanner T-Shirts

'I know there's no sunshine down here, but I bet we still get good vitamin D from the flames.'

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

'What luck! A sound technician.'

Subwoofer

'Well no wonder it didn't work!'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'At least they did a good job on him.'

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

The tanning channel.

Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.

Spatula beach

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

'Six disc CD changer, six hundred watt multi-amp, 800 watt sub, I tell you man this monster rocks!!'

'This beauty will give you that British sound. It will convert your nasal twang into proper Queen's English.

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"Rare, medium or well done?"

'Congratulations, its a six pound audio technician.'

A fat saxophonist on the beach wearing a rubber ring.

'Here is your new stereo. It's got a SupaDeep Woofer System, with it's high octane surround sound, I'm sure it will fit smoothly into your life. But for God's sake; don't turn it on.'

'Please don't cover me with hot sand, Dear. It makes my skin so oily.'

'Do you want it set for light, medium or butterball?'

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'