Sunday Sofa Sitter Pillows

"Not another car chase. That's the last time I let you and the dog pick the video."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

The only creation God was truly proud of was the Sabbath

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

"Attendance is always down the Sunday after Father's Day. They all get fishing gear."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

Ice Fishing

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'Seem the remote?'

'I'm just spending the morning in bed with the Sunday funnies.'

Action Film Shushing

How To Sit When You Are A Kid

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

Thanks for house sitting!

First Bar of Spring

"He's co-dependant, I usually board him, but the conference is only three days. Just make sure to let him out from nine to five to do his business. Oh – and treats are in the liquor cabinet."