Sunday Service Gigglers Pillows

Sunday morning greeters, the #1 cause for social anxiety in the church.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

A child interrupting family prayers

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

How's my sermon. . .

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"...and in conclusion..."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Sermon Applause.

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.