Summer School Teacher Gifts

'This reminds me - I start teaching summer school soon.'

What people think teachers do all summer...What teachers really do all summer.

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Coping with a strong-willed child

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Math Teacher

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Feel my claw of death!"

"I'm Albert, your new mathematics teacher, but you can call me Al."

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

'It won't do you any good! You can't run from your math problems!'

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"To save enough money to buy my lowrider, I figure I need to keep my summer job for...10,734 days."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

"Mum, Mum, the teacher has included some especially tricky choreography just for me in the school musical..."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'