Sugar Rebel Pillows

"My parents decriminalized sugar."

Thou Shalt Not!

Garlic Free Zone.

"Valet park only"

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

"I can do whatever I want. It's a free country. Well, at least for the time being."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"What's with your hair?"

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

Johnny Appleseed's Dirty Little Secret

Punkcakes

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

It's a gingerbread cyclops....I ran out of raisins!

'...and this is our noisiest model Sir - just right for waking up the neighbours on a Sunday morning.'

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

"So that's a three bird roast."

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

Food-Snob Fear Factor

Chess bowling.

"The doctor says I should go on a bland diet. There's no bland in this house!"