Gluten Rebel Pillows

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

Any time is cake o'clock

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Garlic Free Zone.

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

Chocs away.

"Valet park only"

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

"It's improv night."

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

Dieting is for losers.

Punkcakes

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

Diet Enforcer

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

'Cookery is the new rock n' roll'