Gluten Rebel Pillows

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

Any time is cake o'clock

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Garlic Free Zone.

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

"Valet park only"

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

"It's improv night."

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Punkcakes

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

Dieting is for losers.

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'Cookery is the new rock n' roll'

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."