Suburbian Chic T-Shirts

Wardrobe Deficiency Area.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Utility Chic.

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

Hedge Car

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'Gee, Doc; why the long face?'

The Burbs

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

Moving Van.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

"When do your in-laws leave?"

Poker Moms

Suburban blues legends

"This happy breed of men, this little world, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this east end of Long Island!"

'Harold arrives home from work early now. He solved all his commuting and exercise problems at once.'