Suburban Sitcom Enthusiast Pillows

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

TV and cleaner

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'That's not funny, Fred.'

"Never mind the cat! There's a squirrel stuck in a rainspout over on Lang Road!!"

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"These are PC to view, providing we laugh in an ironic and non-committal way - belly laughing constitutes a hate crime."

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'Yes sire, we are dealing with your invoice at this very minute.'

"Congratulations! It's a sitcom!"

"I'm thinking about moving out of the suburbs."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Think how funny this would all be on a TV sitcom.'

Human Resources want to knw why you called the job 'deputy logistics facilitation support worker'...because it sounded better than 'skivvy'.

Mensans Behaving Badly