Suburban Life Observer Pillows

"Chatty conspiracy theorist neighbor, 12 o’clock. Initiate ‘pretend squirrel chase’ diversion!"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'For goodness sake, Larry, the spare key is under the mat.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Domestic Spying Drones

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

Down on Bourbon Street...

You trip on it, you buy it.

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

The world of surveillance.

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Will Kill For Food

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

"The neighbors' place is a pig sty! Why can't we have something like that?"

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

Street: The Magazine for Homeless People

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

The Motherhood

Old Yarns