Subtle Satirist Gifts

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Sock Puppet in Literature

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Art Gallery.

"God help us, it's that guy."

William Makepeace Thackeray.

"'Burned out,' Parker?- I wasn't aware you ever even 'caught fire.'"

'Secondhand smoke.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

"He was murdered with one of the rejection slips he sent."

"Postmodern irony, right? - the creativity is in the price."

'To be or not to be . . . contingent on royal funding.'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

'Poet Laureate' door 'Gone to lunch-back twixt 2 &3'

"I've been toiling for months to write the great American tweet."

"This book is the future of literature. It is paper-free to help save the planet and completely free of words and images so no one is offended."

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

"Home security isn't subtle. If you've got it, flaunt it!"

"I need a Smartphone, Dad?"

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

John Bunyan and Alfred Deakin

My new year's resolution is to write a best-selling novel. Did you know "50 Shades of Grey" started out as fan fiction about that vampire book "Twilight"? I just need to repeat that formula: write fan fiction about a popular book and then just change all the names when I'm done. That way, my book will appeal to that same audience and they won't even know why. Which "popular book" are you going to write fan fiction about? "50 Shades of Grey." Only I'll change the names to "Bella" and "Edward," an

Who's who - Who's googled

"I should like to buy a handgun while it is still legal," said Alice very gently.