Subcontractor Pillows

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

"I'm not totally happy with the painting subcontractor."

"We thought it would be nice to invite the subcontractors to the housewarming."

"Listen George, in exchange for two bricklayers and three electricians I can let you have one seasoned plumber and one first round graduate from trade school." "Mnnn. Okay. But, only if you throw in ten Porta Potties." "Ah, John. Can we make it two first round graduates?" "Done."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

God's Subcontractors

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

Texturing the Walls

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

We're putting on a subtraction.

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.