Independent Contractor Pillows

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I'd hate to give up being an independent contractor.'

Contractor Ants

The Freelance Life.

"One day full on, and then 364 days without work...I've had enough of the ruddy gig economy."

"He used to work for 'truth, justice and the American way,' but now that he's an independent contractor it's strictly for tips."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

God's Subcontractors

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

Texturing the Walls

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

The Great Drywall of Sheboygan.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.