Student Whisperer Pillows

"May I have your attention please???" "NO!!!"

'If you want to communicate with a disruptive student, learn to hear what isn't being said.'

'I find the best way to stop students from always talking to each other in class, is to keep asking questions. Then they have nothing to say.'

"Isn't it great? I found little 'Classroom Mode' switches behind their ears."

Compulsory education is a myth. We may be compelled to teach, but very few of them are compelled to learn.

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"Don't worry, Mr. Swenson. I'm tough, but fair."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

'To maximize student achievement, the Feng Shui consultant advises one student per classroom.'

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Being a teacher isn't easy."

"Bobby does have a tendency to be a bit active!"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'I'm sorry son, parents don't like the 11 plus...'

Compression

Children's education

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

Computer help.

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

A boy and his spin patrol.

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'Please stand by. You have temporarily lost your picture. Broadcasting will resume when you have finished your homework.'

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'