Student Loan Advisor Gifts

'Hello, Alumni Office? Bad timing. Your fund raising letter arrived with my student loan bills.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

U of Debt

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

All Hail the Matriarchy

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Saving for College.

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

"It covers up all the debt."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"I'm going to be in the 7th grade before I get all my pre-school loans paid off."

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

'I'm doing this course on, the importance of moderation.'

Chère Maman

Uni. Snowflake Library

Gone for Broke College

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'I picked up my Latin from watching Roadrunner cartoons.'

"Please remind your mom and dad that its not a parent-teacher-attorney conference."

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

Resume Advisor. I'm not sure "internet troll" is a resume enhancer.

Student Council. Ernie's no longer on the student council, but he's sticking around as a lobbyist.

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

Graduate Job Openings

Bank Student Loan Dept. You're only repaying a small fraction of your student loans? Yeah, because at this point I've forgotten almost everything I learned in college.

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

You Can't Have a Drink at Age 17 But a Bank Will Lend You $57,000 in Student Loans You'll Never Be Able to Escape

"Don't put your mother on the page, Miss S. Worthington"

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

'Even polymaths, Rodney, have to choose a major.'

"I had a dream that a rich guy came to campus and paid off our student loans."